you just know
by laurapreponfan
Summary: Best friends A/U. One of them is in-love with the other. The other one is too blind to see it. One-shot
**A/N:**

I know this isn't much. But I hope you like it anyway.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters.

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Do you ever know the exact moment you fall in-love with someone? Not the moment you realize it or the time you finally accept it, but the exact second you change the way you look at a certain person.

From being a mere stranger to being someone you'd wish you'd wake up with every morning.

From being just a friend to being the person you'll happily spend every second of the rest of your life taking care of.

From being a simple _someone_ to being _your everything_.

.

Alex Vause didn't know.

She didn't know when she's fallen in love with Piper Chapman, or how, or even _why._ Not because it was hard to think back and remember when it exactly it happened, but rather because it wasn't exactly a single time that it did.

"Do you ever wonder what it feels like to fall in-love?"

Alex was surprised when Piper suddenly asked her about this. It wasn't something that had ever crossed their conversations, _falling in-love_. It felt bigger than they were, more complicated than the things they're used to talking about.

Falling and being in-love was a feeling so strong there's not a single word in the dictionary that could describe how it actually felt.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I don't. I don't know how _that_ feels, and sometimes it worries me that once I do, that once I finally fall in-love, I wouldn't know."

It was the first time Alex knew something had already changed. She wasn't prepared for it, because she never really thought about it before. But the strangest thing happened when she looked at Piper that day, sprawled on her back just looking at the sky above them.

"How about you?" Piper asked again, "How do you think would you know you've fallen in-love?"

Alex wasn't supposed to know what it felt like to fall in-love. But at that time, at the exact moment Piper looked back at her with her beautiful eyes, her lips pursed waiting for her answer, Alex suddenly _knew_.

"Alex?" Piper asked again and Alex, caught up with the sudden realization that she's fallen in love with her best friend, was forced to answer the only way she knew.

"I think you just know, Pipes."

.

It felt gradual, falling in-love with Piper.

It happened slowly, one moment at a time.

One time she found Piper's smile more satisfying to look at than usual, next thing she knew, she's already doing everything she can just so she could see that beautiful smile, _over and over again._

Another time she started to realize how _different_ than most people Piper was, but not really understanding why. But then she did understand, and it was because she had already fallen for her, and that made all the difference in the world, because Piper was the only person who had ever made her feel this way.

But Piper did not feel the same way.

She had never looked at Alex the same way Alex looked at her. She had always been someone she liked hanging out with, someone she trusted enough to tell her of her achievements, of her happiness, of her heartbreaks. Alex had always, and only, been Piper's best friend.

And she made that clear. Every. Single. Time.

She and Piper were hanging out inside the blonde's bedroom, eating burgers and fries as they watched their third movie of the night. "You know, I don't understand why you still don't have a girlfriend. I mean, you're tall, and gorgeous and probably the smartest person I know. Kind of an asshole, but your humor trumps that..."

Alex threw a fry at Piper at the word _asshole_ , but Piper just threw it back at her with a huge smile at her face, Alex almost forgetting that Piper was saying all thesequalities of her but never really _seeing_ them the way Alex hoped she would.

"...so, I don't get it."

"Thank you, for telling me the things I already know."

" _Smug_ asshole," Piper muttered under her breath as she shook her head but Alex pretended like she didn't see, only smirking to herself.

"...but don't you also get the fact that I'm just _not_ interested?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? It's just not my priority right now."

"And what is your priority?"

"Taking care of my mom, looking after your clumsy ass..."

"Aw, Al," Piper said, her face turning into one of those kinds when someone would say something _awfully_ sweet. She then scooted closer to Alex, resting her head on her shoulder, her palms circling Alex's arm. "That's really sweet. But I also just want you to be happy."

Alex tried to ignore the sweet scent of Piper, how good it felt to have the blonde this close to her, and also how torturous it was that this was all she could get from her. Instead, she focused on Piper's words, and how happy it made her.

"Who says I'm not?"

"Al, I've known you almost all my life. And I know when something's bothering you. I know that when you constantly fix your glasses, it means you're nervous. I know that when you agree to the movies I choose, it means you're too exhausted about something that you have no energy left to argue with me. I know that when you're looking straight ahead, without looking at anything in particular, you're thinking about something you have no clue how to deal with. You've done all of those tonight."

Alex hated how her chest suddenly hurt, because Piper really did know her. And she knew her _well._ In fact, apart from her Mom, Piper was the only person who could look at her and instantly tell her if there's something wrong.

And that shouldn't be a bad thing, really.

But she couldn't help but think that if it came to the point where she decided she'd have to stop pinning over Piper and be with someone else, she wouldn't be able to stop comparing the two of them, or thinking how much _more_ Piper would be to her than anybody else.

"And you think that means I need a girlfriend?"

"No, I think that _maybe_ if you had someone, it'd be easier for you to deal with whatever it was that's going on with you."

"I have _you_." Alex tried to sound _less_ affectionate than she felt, but she failed miserably and she hoped Piper didn't notice that.

But maybe she did because Piper's features turned soft and Alex didn't know how it was possible but she felt as if she fell in love with her even more.

"I know, Al. And you'll _always_ have me. But we both know I won't _always_ be there, physically at least. And I hate to think how you'd be when I'm not there and you need me."

Alex always hated it when people made it sound as if she was so fragile, or that she couldn't take care of herself. But surprisingly, she didn't feel this way when it came to Piper. She actually felt more vulnerable, because as pathetic as it was, she knew it... that without Piper, it would feel like she'd lose half of herself.

But she didn't want to admit that, didn't want to tell Piper how much she _needed_ her, so she shrugged, as if what Piper was saying was so ridiculous to the point of being _impossible_.

"Pipes, I'm a grown-up. I appreciate what you're trying to say, I really do. But I can take care of myself, okay? I'm fine."

Piper seemed to think about this for a while before nudging Alex on her shoulder, "You sure?"

"I am," then Alex pressed a kiss on top of Piper's head, revelling on how Piper scooted even closer to her, and on how she sighed as if she's been waiting for her to do this all night.

Suddenly, Alex felt as if her emotions were too much to just hold in, that if she didn't say _anything_ she was going to burst. So she uttered the words that were her only way of telling Piper what she felt without saying how she _really_ felt. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Al."

Piper didn't mean it the way Alex did. But for Alex, for _right now_ , and probably forever (if that word even existed,) that was _enough_.

.

 _Falling_ in-love with Piper was easy, like Alex had been destined to do that all her life.

 _Being_ in-love with her was another thing because it was pure agony. It was a slow burn. A torture.

"I said yes."

"What?"

"To Larry. He asked me if I could be his girlfriend and I said yes."

It shouldn't have hurt that much. Alex always knew this was going to happen. That one day Piper would meet someone, someone who would make her world go round like she always did to Alex's. Someone she'd like as much as Alex liked her.

Except Alex did not _just_ like Piper.

She _loved_ her. With every inch of her skin. With every bone in her body. She loved her with everything that she had.

And this hurt like a _fucking_ train wreck.

"I'm really happy for you, Pipes."

But that's what she told Piper. Because that's what best friends did. And Alex knew, that that's what she was always going to be in Piper's life.

Still, Alex stayed. For as long as she could. For as long as Piper needed her to.

 _"Al, we finally did it."_

Alex stayed.

 _"It's our one year anniversary and he said he's bringing me to this fancy restaurant. I'm really happy, Al. He makes me happy."_

Alex ignored the gut-wrenching pain and she stayed.

 _"It's annoying that he can't stand up for himself. If he was just as brave as you are..."_

Alex stayed.

 _"He left me."_

Alex never left.

.

"Sometimes I wonder if boyfriends and girlfriends are just distractions."

"What do you mean?"

"What if they're really never meant to be someone's soul mate and that role is really for people's best friends? What if _you're_ my soul mate?"

"That's ridiculous, Pipes."

"Why?"

"Because you're supposed to be in-love with your soul mate. And you're not in-love with me."

For a second Alex wished that Piper would finally see. That she'd finally notice how Alex didn't say the same thing about herself.

Even if she knew that Piper was too blind to see this. Too closed off to the idea of one of them being in-love with the other. What Alex didn't know was if it was the blonde's fault for not _seeing_ it. Or if it was her own, for not doing anything about it.

.

But Alex had her limits. There was only so much pain she could take. So when the pain became too much for her to bear, when being Piper's best friend started hurting more that the thought of being her _nothing_ at all, she decided it was time she started _letting go_.

"You've been avoiding me."

Alex's first instinct was to deny this but seeing that there was no point, that Piper knew her well enough to know when she's lying _(not enough to know she's in-love with her, though)_ , she decided to tell the truth instead. _For once._

"I just... I needed a break."

"A break from what?"

"A break from _you_."

She could see how much her words hurt Piper. How her eyes became glassy as if she was about to cry. She could see it, but unlike any other days before, she didn't do anything about it.

"I d—I don't understand."

"I know."

"Then make me!"

"I love you."

 _Shock. Confusion. Realization._

"I'm so in-love with you that it hurts. It hurts because you never see it."

 _Fake smile. Hidden tears. Broken heart._

"It hurts so fucking much because as much as I want it to just go away, it won't. I love you so much, Pipes but I can't take the pain of you not loving me back anymore."

"S-so you're just... you're just leaving?"

"I wish I was. I wish I knew how to just... _quit you_. But I don't. And that makes this even worse than it already is."

.

Alex thought that having Piper out of her life would be better than having her in it without really _having_ her at all. But it made her miserable. It made her realize how much days had become pointless. It made her miss Piper so much more it was slowly tearing her into pieces.

Then there was a knock.

"Piper? What are you doing here?"

"Remember that time when you told me that when you fall in-love, you just _know_?"

To say Alex was surprised of seeing Piper in front of her was an understatement. She honestly thought that after pushing her away, Piper would be gone from her life for good. But she was here, waiting for an answer to the question she just asked.

So Alex nodded, any words caught in her throat, still relishing that Piper was _here_ again.

"I _know_. I know, Alex. I've always known."

"You've always known what?"

"That I'm in-love. But I never acknowledged it. Not because I didn't want it, but because I was scared of it. You told me before that it would be impossible for you to be my soul mate, because I wasn't in-love with you. You know what I immediately thought of after that?"

"No."

"I thought about how much it hurt to lose Larry. And I wasn't even in-love with him."

"I don't get it."

 _I don't get why you wanna hurt me even more._

"I thought about that because then, I knew that losing you would be so much worse."

See, the thing was, Alex _knew_ that. She knew that Piper could fall in and out of love with someone else, anyone else other than her. But it was still her who could hurt Piper the most, the only person Piper had allowed that power.

So Alex still didn't see what the point of all of this was.

"That was the time I realized that you weren't just my best friend anymore. That was the time I accepted that I was already in-love with you. But I thought that if being in-love with you came with the chance of having to go through the pain of losing you completely, then I didn't need it."

 _Oh._

 _So that was the point._

But Alex was still in shock. She still couldn't grasp why Piper was _really_ telling her this. So she shook her head, and laughed humourlessly. Coz what was left for her to do, really?

"So you chose not to take a chance with me instead."

"No, I chose not to take the chance of losing you."

"Why would you lose me?"

"Because! Because things happen. Because things go to shit! And I was scared. And I'm not proud of it, Alex. That I chose the safety of having you _just_ as my best friend than take the risk of knowing what it feels like go beyond that. But I'm here now. And I'm telling you. _I know_."

 _Shock. Confusion. Realization._

It took Alex a while to process everything. Because this was a girl she's been in-love with for God knows how long. This was _Piper_. And she just told her she's in-love with her, too.

So Alex could get mad all she wanted. She could keep telling herself that Piper was only telling her this because she was afraid that if she didn't, she'd lose her. She could keep refusing to believe every word that just came out of Piper's lips.

But to be fucking honest, she was goddamned tired. Of running away from this. Of refusing to allow herself to be happy.

"You know that I could never leave you, right? That no matter how much I tried, I'd always come back to you."

"I know."

"And you know that I would go to the ends of the earth just to make sure that no one, not even me, _especially_ me, will ever hurt you again."

"I know."

"And with your whole speech and everything, I _think_ you also already know that I'm pathetically, hopelessly in-love with you... right?"

 _Real smile. Happy tears. Mended heart._

"I know."

 _She knows._

 _She's in-love with me._

 _So this is what it feels like._

"You're really in-love with me?"

Piper laughed. And it was the second most beautiful thing in the entire world.

 _Piper_ , being the first, of course.

"Yes, you idiot. I love you. And I'm sorry that it took me long enough. But I'm pathetically, hopelessly in-love with you, too."

And before Piper could even say another word, Alex's lips were on her, kissing her like it was the last thing she would do.

And Piper kissed her back, knowing it was only the beginning of everything.

It was then that Alex realized that she may not know when exactly she had fallen in-love with Piper Chapman, but she sure as hell knew when it was gonna end.

And that was on the very second of her very last breath.

So they _knew_. And it was the best _fucking_ feeling ever.

 _Wider smiles. More happy tears. Two hearts turning into one._


End file.
